Former musician cum controversial writer Etcetera has a new article this week and he veers off more politically-sensitive topics to one that is close to home for many – ‘How to please a Nigerian man?’
The article was published by Punch Newspaper and he writes:
“Is something wrong with the Nigerian woman? Has she lost her beauty and power of seduction? How come Nigerian billionaires and politicians are all of a sudden having preference for foreign women? Or has the money syndrome finally caught up with them?…… Oops! Did you say it’s about time? Hmmm maybe Nigerian men are difficult to satisfy like some of our ladies have claimed. But is that the appropriate excuse? Well, for any woman who truly knows her onions, pleasing a man (whether a Nigerian or not) is never a difficult feat. So ladies, here are some insights to a Nigerian man’s heart that will guide you to becoming the right woman in his eyes.
Submission has got a bad rap in recent years. The feminist movement has even made matters worse. Women are forgetting that submission wasn’t your man’s idea, it was God’s. “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.” (Ephesians 5:22) Again the Word says, “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fitting in the Lord.” (Colossians 3:18). Men should also know that submission does not mean subjection to abuse. Submission simply implies respect for another’s authority.
Ok sweerie, the premiership ends this weekend. You can now have the remote control from Monday morning. Watch as much telemundo and your Nollywood movies as you can from now till August. Nigerian ladies should understand that the key to a harmonious family life is finding that balance. Your man may not be a professional footballer and probably may not go to the field and play every Saturday, but if you don’t disturb him whenever he is watching his favourite team play on TV, he will love you more. Remember that by learning to love and support his team, you are creating a deeper bond between the two of you. Be on his side, root for his team, celebrate his victories, mourn his defeats. Even the Bible commands us to “Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep.” (Romans 12:15) lol…
Every Nigerian man loves food. I mean the actual food. There’s no such thing as a modern or old fashion way. A way is a way and the only way to a typical African man’s heart has always been through his stomach. Coming home from a long day’s work, we enjoy nothing better than a well cooked meal. Remember the story of Esau in the Bible? He was so hungry and was practically shaking after working in the fields that he was willing to sell his birthright to his brother Jacob for a hot bowl of soup! (Genesis 25:29-34). Ladies, when a Nigerian man is not properly fed, he becomes irrational, irritable and vulnerable to temptation. Feed us well not just for anything else, but so you may have peace in the house…. lol
Now ladies, ask any Nigerian man to choose between a delicious plate of soup and no sex or a tasteless meal and a mind-blowing sex, he will prefer to drink garri without sugar and have that mind-blowing encounter with you in bed. Does that tell you something? Babes, you may be everything from smart, charming with long pretty legs and even God-fearing but if your husband doesn’t find you sexually attractive, SHIKENA. A Nigerian man always wants that thing. So, stop holding back whenever he wants it. Adopt the Boy Scout motto that says “always be prepared.” Stop using your sexuality to manipulate or punish him. Our greatest vulnerability is our sexuality, so don’t just go there – No games with that please. Give yourself to him freely every time, every way and everywhere.
The Bible commands you, “Deprive not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your lack of self-control.” (1 Corinthians 7:5). Did you hear that? It says even after fasting, you should still give it to him…. Hmmmmm! I love the Bible. No wonder they call it the “perfect book.”
All men want to be successful. But it is so unfortunate that most Nigerian women measure success by what a man has accomplished and not by who he is as a person. It is the role of the woman to help her man see the big picture in life, not through the eyes of someone who wants to purchase every latest trend in fashion, mobile phones and cars. The good book of the lord says, “Better is the poor (man) who walks in his integrity than one perverse in his ways, though he be rich.” (Proverbs 28:6). So, ladies, always let your man know when he is doing a good job. Praise him for his patience with words like, “I really appreciate that you helped me with the dishes today.” “Thanks so much for emptying the dustbin; I appreciate you honey, even in the small things.” Note that a little compliment to a Nigerian man every now and again works like magic.
Nigerian men are driven by the need for significance. We often ask ourselves this question, “Do I really matter to her?” A man’s thirst for significance can only be quenched in knowing how important he is. That is why we will chase after every vain pursuit only to hear the words, “You matter. You are important. You are appreciated. You are significant.” If a man never heard these words or sensed this approval from his woman, he can spend his whole life chasing someone else who will value his identity.
Support your man at every turn. Be there for him to guide him. This is God’s command for you as the woman. God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.” (Genesis 2:18). A man needs help in the small things like finding our car keys or in bigger things like building a business. It has become one of the most popular sayings that “behind every great man is a far greater woman.”
With men, two plus two is always four. We are a straight-jacket mind species. Maybe it is so because we have always found solace in being logical. And it has proved to be a sure way one can maintain stability in the home, especially in times of uncertainty or danger. But it is clear that men most times lack that natural intuitiveness found in women. Which makes it important, that whenever your man is about to strike a business deal, he needs your input because he might not understand that deep gut feeling you have that something is not right. For a man, if it looks good “on paper,” it is good even when in your heart of hearts, you can smell something foul brewing. Your man needs your intuitive, instinctive, perceptive and discerning insights when making decisions. But as his woman, you should be careful so as not to bruise his ego.
A man is not molded to understand the emotional and dynamics behind the problems that women face. So it is important that the woman doesn’t go running and pouring all her cares, worries, fears, insecurities and troubles on him all at once, it can be very overwhelming. If it is your car that is making that funny noise or something in the house is broken, YESSSSS! he knows exactly what to do instantly. Every man requires that extra training to be a good listener and you will have to working at it until he is there. You can simply start by asking him to listen to you for one minute without interruption and gradually build up his tolerance level. If you throw a fifteen-minute monologue at him, he will freeze up, walk away or get annoyed. Make things simple for him. Spell out exactly what you need, even if it is just a simple hug (and you may want to also explain to him that a hug does not mean you want to have sex!)… because e nor dey hard us to conclude.
Every man wants to come home to a peaceful house after a long day at work. But our women don’t always permit such a luxury. We want tranquility and control in every aspect of our lives; that is why we sometimes do everything possible to create an atmosphere of peace and serenity. It is also why every man dreads a nagging woman. A nagging woman drains us of body vitamins and morale. If you nag your man, he will distance himself emotionally and possibly even physically. The Bible says, “It is better to dwell in a corner of a housetop, than in a house shared with a contentious woman.” (Proverbs 25:24).”